Wonderful condescension from you! Very amusing. If I were writing a play that called for the stock character of the pompous philosophical theist, your persona would be perfect for the part.
I’m familiar with the God of the philosophers and with how their positing of an absolute, primary substance ends up being consistent with atheism, their personification of that Absolute being arbitrary and gratuitous. Also, their Panglossian epistemology (e.g. the principle of sufficient reason) begs the question. Philosophy doesn’t get you to God in the sense of a personal creator of nature; only irrational faith derived from indoctrination or from an altered state of consciousness does.
The super-duper abstract properties of the philosopher’s God (eternity, immutability, ontological primacy, simplicity, etc) conflict with the personal ones familiar from the exoteric conception of God (benevolence, consciousness, intelligence, a psychological character, miraculous interventions, etc). So you’re inviting me to immerse myself in a “serious” mess.
I’ve written about the approach and some arguments of philosophical Christian theism, in articles such as these: